Coaching and Listening

"What's on your mind?"

What kind of conversation would be most useful for you today? (coaching, just listen, recognitioneporting, teaching, brainstorming, or co-working?)

What do you want things to be like for you? What does success look and feel like in this situation? If you had a magic wand what would your ideal situation look like? What is the most important outcome for you?

"What else?" or "Tell me more about that." or "Can you elaborate on that?" or after 2-3 times "Is there anything else?"

"What's the real challenge for you?"

What are your tradeoffs? What are you saying no to in order to say yes?

To be used if the person is reticent or too quick to jump to conclusions. Without nudging, offer alternatives to what they might be thinking or feeling. Are you more worried about x or y? Would you rather put effort into x or y right now? Does that look more like x or y?

"What could I do to help?"

When they take an intentional detour, let them lead, its usually a sign of something important to them. "Yes, and..."

"What was most useful for you in our conversation?"

advice monster form that wants to jump in with an idea to prove that I have value (my most likely form)

advice monster form that wants to take all responsibility on to itself. the Martyr.

advice monster form that wants to maintain or build power and control to feel safe (less my thing)

telling stories. interrupt, explain why, and ask focus question.

being too general or the whole organization needs… Name it, explain why, and ask focus question.

The challenge might be too surface level. Name it, explain why, and ask the focus question.

listing so many problems its hard to keep track. Name it, explain why, and ask the focus question.

the person brings up someone outside the room who is the source of all the issues and we end up coaching them. Name it, explain why we want to focus on their sphere of influence, and ask the focus question.

Notice the situation, Say what you see, Ask the focus question (What’s the fundamental challenge for you

Delayed feedback is good for me and the person being coached. For them it can be a delayed message prepared after our session but received days later. For me it probably looks like reflecting on our session immediately and then reviewing those notes later and reassessing my coaching skills.

Coach myself through journaling. Recognize how I use ideas as a distraction from the fundamental challenge.

When the person asks to learn teach them using AGEIS and with all the appropriate caveats that these are just tools they may or may not use.

The uncomfortable inherent message of jumping into giving advice without having been curious enough for long enough.

Signal safety, trust, and mutual purpose. TERA Team Expectations Rank Autonomy

Use a keyword or other ritual to remind yourself to stay curious longer. (Curious, Caring, Creative)

After each session reflect on my coaching performance and identify what to practice for next time. Practice interleaving and elaboration.

Schedule time for reflection and elaboration afterward (10 minutes should be good)